Gender "Stuff" where I come from

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothin' else
He'd trade the world
For a good thing he's found
If she is bad, he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he puts her down

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way
It ought to be

Percy Sledge 1966

Percy Sledge's song talks about loving a women, no matter what she asks of him,  from a man's perspective.  I find it ironic that the song was sung by a Black Man from Alabama in 1966.  It was at the tail end of a time when the concept of men and women in a chivalric relationship was still the "ideal"  even for poor blacks in a segregated south.  At that time marriage was the "ideal" for all segments of society.  I acknowledge that the "ideal" was not all sugar and spice, but it was a shared value by all in society.  I would hazard a guess most of my Blog readers still maintain the concept of sacrificial love in their own lives.   Certainly they have shown that "statistically".  Most have been married for years and all who have had children remained married since their children were born.  In fact two of our  readers are about to witness the marriage of their daughters later this year and one blog reader celebrates a golden wedding anniversary in a few weeks.  To which I say Yeah!

This raises an interesting fact about our society today.  The intrinsic value of marriage is still generally accepted by the more fortunate in our society, not only their lives but as something they want for their children as well.  But sadly it has been abandoned by so many of the working class men and women as outlined in "Wayward Sons".   This, in my mind, is due to a number of forces at work over the last 30 to 40 years.  Not all social, much of it because of new technology, which has caused new "skills" to be demanded by an increasingly consumer driven economy.  Skills that may require less aggressive and physical capabilities and more "cooperative" ones.  Adam Smith's model, which I have always embraced, emphasizes the "economic" value of rewarding those who contribute the most to our economic well being.  But areas like religion and the value of stable social life have been relegated as minor hindrances to our new values in society.   Unfortunately we fortunate ones have watched in silence (In my humble opinion and this is my blog!) as the media and many political elites have pushed a narrative that we all must be on board with individual "self fulfillment" as the greatest ideal value to be espoused.

My biases are pretty clear.  I would like share the origins of  some my biases and why I think having two gender models are so important without spewing talking points from "scientific" studies.  

One of my bloggers asked me if my writing about this stuff is more difficult since I have grandchildren?  A great question!  It certainly made me stop and think about my passion for this topic.  I have been blessed with a granddaughter, and two grandsons.  What kind of world do I want for them?  

Well I want them all to be successful at every endeavor they pursue.  This includes not just their working career's but in their sports endeavors, in their social lives, and most importantly in their family lives,  That, to me,  also  means being good mothers and fathers.  I frankly want my own "ideal" values passed down to my Great Grandchildren. Now I recognize, as the Rolling Stones once said, you can't always get what you want, but if you try so hard you just might get what you need!

So now I feel I must give you all a rambling walk down my own  memory lane about where my values came from.  Values I may not always have lived by (and who among us is always consistent?) but values I like to think my parents ingrained in me and that hopefully will live on in their Great Grandchildren in some form or another. 

When we talk about Gender Role models we often think about Masculine versus Feminine in terms of guys teaching guy things and women teaching women things   I say that is way to simplistic. 

As a young boy, my Dad took me hunting and fishing.  He taught me how to ride a bike and throw a baseball and football.  But much more importantly my dad taught me the value of how a man should view the importance of family.  He demonstrated how to  be a good father and a husband. He certainly taught me that a career is not as important as family he sure was not a climber on the economic ladder off life.   Heck he was not the one who pushed me in my career.   Do not get me wrong he always espoused the value of "work hard"  but not in terms of impressive career advancement.  The summer before I went to college he was still suggesting I become a plumber or learn a trade. Even when I got out of college and  Barbara and I were contemplating our move to Florida he wanted us to consider staying in Philly and buying a house in our "neighborhood".  He feared us losing our "roots". 

Through all this he was, in his own way, imparting to me the value of being a whole person. This meant being there when a neighbor needed help or  when a family member needed support.  He was also a social animal who enjoyed a good discussion and was always chatting with his neighbors or watching the local kids and saying "knock it off".  He even taught me some important basics of how to look at  our fellow human beings regardless of where they came (but more on that some other time}.  These last few years when spending time with my mother I came to recognize the values he imparted in me in a whole new light.

Which brings me to the values my mother imparted.  These also I have come to recognize only recently.  During the time Barbara and I spent with my mom in Salt Lake (time I will always cherish as frustrating as it was at times) mom often reflected back on how my dad never wanted to take a risk.  She felt that he never wanted to get "ahead"  and instead was always spending time helping the neighbors or family and "socializing".  She loved him dearly but I detected some remorse that "economically" she felt they "could have done better".  This in turn reminded  me that it was my Mom who pushed me to go to college.  Heck in retrospect  it was mom who pushed me into High School football.  In looking back much of my drive to be successful in in my professional career likely came from my Mom and not my Dad.  these were values that she thought important in a family's "success". 

So what is my point on all this?  Well I leave that to you, but for me it enhances my belief in the importance of a two parent marriage and of "family" to all our future generations. While no marriage is perfect, and some may fail, it saddens me that so many now choose not to recognize this particulary in their childbearing years.  

Speaking of family I will be taking a couple of days off.  I have a couple of cousins (my Dad's side!) coming for a ski vacation tonight. This is followed by my two sons their family and best of all grandkids coming tomorrow and Friday for a couple of days!   Life is Grand!

Until then

Adieu

Until next time

Adiue.