Doe's eat Oats
but little Lamb's Eat Ivy
A kid el eat Ivy Too
Wouldn't You?
Dateline August 20th 2038
From the Burlington Free Press
President of the Socialist Republic of Vermont, Ethan Sonneborn, bestowed the first ever "Citizen of the Year award to James C Roberts for his ideas which laid the foundation for the creation of Vermont's utopian socialist dream.
President Sonneborn who first became politically famous as a 14 year old running for Governor back in 2018, and elected as the first President for life of the Vermont Socialist Republic in 2030 said in his remarks:
Today we salute Mr. Roberts for his brilliant idea on how to painlessly convert the Vermont economy from luke-warm Progressive Socialism/Capitalism to pure egalitarian socialism based on an Article he read on a visit to what has become his home country back in 2018. Sonneborn introduced Mr. Roberts to a throng of some 3,500 onlookers (and 8,000 grazing goats) in the Capital City of Montpelier.
Mr. Roberts then delivered a stirring speech outlining his epiphany to those assembled as follows.
My fellow Vermonters,
I am pleased and excited to receive this honor and I welcome the opportunity to share with you the events and ideas that sparked a revolution in economic thought on converting the economy to a successful socialist system.
First let me remind you of a short news piece that inspired my thoughts on how a small rural state could quickly develop an egalitarian paradise.
I would like to read the short news piece I read back on the fateful August day back in 2018.
Vermont city employs goats to get rid of poison ivy
Aug. 08, 2018
MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Vermont’s capital city is trying a natural way to get rid of poison ivy — grazing goats.
On Wednesday, three goats munched on the plants along the small city’s bike path behind the high school and near a river.
The goats graze on the poison ivy, causing stress to the plants so that they retreat, said the goat’s owner Mary Beth Herbert, of Moretown. It’s expected to take several years of cyclical grazing to eradicate the poison ivy, she said.
The goats named Ruth, Bader and Ginsburg, got their start. Herbert brought the 6-month-old Kiko goats in her Subaru, and enclosed them in fencing where they grazed while an occasional bicyclist passed by. The poison ivy doesn’t harm the goats, she said.
The city had tried to eradicate the poison ivy but has been unable to do it using organic treatments, said assistant city manager Susan Allen.
The poison ivy has been so bad this year that the city posted signs warning bikers and walkers about it.
“The city did not want to ramp up to chemical treatments for many reasons, including the fact that the path runs next to the river, and young children and dogs might get over into the undergrowth,” she said.
They wondered if goats could work and contacted the University of Vermont extension service.
“I love that we’ve gone back to an old fashioned solution — a shepherd and her goats — to our modern-day problem,” Allen said.
___
This story has been corrected to show the goat breed is Kiko, not Kiki.
After reading this Mr. Roberts continued:
It all made me start thinking: How can we utilize a goat based economy using the principles outlined by Susan Allen and the Vermont extension service.
It all made me start thinking: How can we utilize a goat based economy using the principles outlined by Susan Allen and the Vermont extension service.
Why not expand the program exponentially.....think big I thought.
First I figured why stop at the now famous 3 goats (Ruth, Bader and Ginsberg)...why not several million free range goats whose by-products could be available, for free, to all Vermonters. The acquistion of these goats could be financed by a tax on the purchase of vehicles other than the Vermont State approved Subaru's and since in 2020, when Bernie Sanders became president of the Old United States of America, the expropriation of excess profits from Green Mountain Coffee, Burton Snowboards, Cabot Cheese and Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream as well as revenues from Vail Corporation etc. Once we had enough Money to buy 3 million goats the rest became easy.
First we encouraged enterprising Vermonter's to use the goats as they could, making Mohair Coats, Goat Cheeses and Goat Milk as a basis of exchange. Not only would we eradicate all poison ivy health care costs but Doctors and Hospitals could take these economic products as official rates of exchange. The same would be true for all businesses left in Vermont.
Yurts would become the official Vermont building available to all, with the basic building material (Goat Hair etc) now "free". Fuel as always could primarily be wood culled from forests cut down to make room for more goats pastures. The reduced demand of burning oil, gas etc. from -fossil fuel burning cars, now replaced by "Go"(at )Carts available to all would make up for the greenhouse gases emitted from woodstoves.
Enterprising Vermonters could milk the goats and sell it to the only remaining approved Vendors (Cabot Cheese and Ben and Jerry's) for International Currency needed to buy cell phones and other products manufactured elsewhere in the world. Since the fundamental economic base-goats are owned by all only individual initiative determines "wealth". For those Vermonters unable unwilling to work with goats a guaranteed allotment of goat products could provide a subsistence way of life for all. We just need to tax a portion of enterprising Vermonters "excess wealth" to finance it all.
Mr. Roberts then ended his speech with the simple child ditty he used when he first outlined his thoughts on his now famous blog (required reading in all Vermont Schools since 2031.)
and with that I bid you
Adieu
Enterprising Vermonters could milk the goats and sell it to the only remaining approved Vendors (Cabot Cheese and Ben and Jerry's) for International Currency needed to buy cell phones and other products manufactured elsewhere in the world. Since the fundamental economic base-goats are owned by all only individual initiative determines "wealth". For those Vermonters unable unwilling to work with goats a guaranteed allotment of goat products could provide a subsistence way of life for all. We just need to tax a portion of enterprising Vermonters "excess wealth" to finance it all.
Mr. Roberts then ended his speech with the simple child ditty he used when he first outlined his thoughts on his now famous blog (required reading in all Vermont Schools since 2031.)
and with that I bid you
Adieu
Whoa. From political, social and economic commentary to creative writing. True breadth of talent!!!!
ReplyDeleteA lot of credit belongs to my faithful and obedient companion who read me the "Goat" story this AM!
ReplyDeleteThanks Murray! This must be why I fell in love with you, the creative BS'er!
ReplyDelete